Do you remember that phrase your parents used to say that just sent you over the edge? And the more they said it, the more you resolved in your mind that you would never say it. The phrase that my dad used to say when I would do something worthy of his discipline, but that required his restraint until a later moment was this one, “When we get home, there’ll be teeth, hair and eyeballs all over the place”. To my dad’s credit, I only received what I deserved, a good spanking, but that phrase was so over the top that I swore to myself I would never repeat it to my children who of course would benefit from my much superior parenting skills.
Wow – how foolish we are when we’re young.
I think everyone goes through that time when the last thing you want is to be like the people who have raised you. But then, something happens and 15 years down the road, you suddenly realize…you said it. That phrase you swore you would never say. Or you did it…that thing you resolved you would never do. And I’m afraid that I’ve done it. I’ve said the phrase I swore I would never say. WHY?
Because our families have tremendous influence and formative power in our lives. They shape and mold us in ways that are unseen until far later in life. We think we are counteracting their influence by listening to OUR music, watching OUR TV, hanging out with OUR friends, but nothing is as strong as the family in its ability to shape, mold and influence a person. Or is there?
I think there is – it is the church. Not necessarily the institution of the church, but the church that is the family of God. The church that gathers in classrooms on Sunday morning or in homes at different times during the week. The church that is made up of small groups of people committed to each other for the long haul in dependent relationships to pursue the glory of God and the good of each other.
This means that our fellowship as Christians is more than just membership in the same club. It is radically different. It is familial. And there are things about a family that are not true of clubs and organizations and should not be true of churches.
Just look at the early church – did they treat each other like members of a club? No, the community they belonged to was radically different than the world. They shared their possessions freely, taking care of each other. They were committed to each other deeply, sharing their possessions and lives.
The people in the church are your family and they have been adopted by God into the family for His glory and for your good. And if you exclude family members from your life because you wouldn’t choose them as friends or because they aren’t in your social strata, you are doing damage to yourself and to the body. God is using them to build up the body – and to refine and shape you in ways that you might otherwise never be made into the image of Christ. And if you exclude them, you have removed yourself from his shaping, transforming process of sanctification.
This takes us back to where we started. The power and shaping influence of family. You become like the people you spend time with. That is the reason our family had such formative impact on our lives: Time.
Many Christians wonder why they see so little transformation in their lives. They wonder why there is so little progress towards holiness and Christ-likeness. Even Christians who spend time reading the word, praying and going to church. There is an aspect to the formation of Christian character that is only accomplished “in the family”. And it takes time.
A small group of people, joined together in a bond that goes deeper than blood, caring for and loving each other in spite of each other, through the tough stuff, in joy, sorrow and pain, accomplishing what no other organization, group or process could ever do – teeth, hair and eyeballs…everywhere.
So as we start the New Year, spend some time with me considering your spiritual family. Who is shaping and molding your spiritual life? Who has the kind of access to you that could result in growth, glory and good?
Life on I-40 